DOS Games Discussion

[GAMER]

I wrote this last night, and handed it in today before I could get any feedback, so I don't know whether it sucks or not... Don't know how it'll look in here. Meh. You'll get over it.

Jennifer

The radio crackles on, “…citizens lock your doors. Be on the look-out for anything suspicious. I repeat; New York serial killer strikes again.”
Looking around warily Jennifer sits down. The lounge is old and worn. She can see the upholstery pushing through the cracked leather. The fading light outside is shut off by the heavy cotton curtains. A little scared she stands, crosses the lounge room and locks the front door. Returning to the lounge she addresses the man in front of her. “So why are you here?” she asks the shady figure in a tone that she hoped sounded strong and confident.
“I need to ask you some questions,” replies the man. Jen notes that there is a scar on the man’s cheek. Quickly she looks away.
“So…” she says.
“Do you live alone?” asks the man, taking out a small notebook. Jennifer pauses for a moment and looks the man over. She notices a bulge in the mans pocket, about the size and shape of a gun she thinks. Scared, and not wanting to continue the meeting Jennifer starts to panic.
“Look. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re making me feel uncomfortable.” She says and stands up to show her guest to the door.
“You’ll be sorry,” says the stranger as he stares deep into her eyes, “I’m watching you…” As Jen lets the man out of the door she wonders why she let him in in the first place. She locks the door and convinces herself she is just letting her imagination get the better of her.
“No-one is after me,” she says quietly to herself as she retreats to the lounge. For a while she lies awake, thinking about the strange guest but her tired body subdues her wandering mind and she sleeps.
Jennifer wakes the next morning terrified. Her dream is still lingering and the idea of being hunted is too real. Wiping the sweat from her body she tries to calm herself down and tell herself she’s safe. She unlocks the door and walks down the driveway to get the paper. The strange man from the night before is parked across the road. Glancing from the paper and back to the car again Jen starts to feel worried. She reads the front page of the paper. ‘Serial Killer Takes Another Life.’ She looks at the mans car again and admits to herself that she is afraid of him. The man looks menacingly back at her, his gaze unwavering and cold. Jennifer drops the paper where she stands and runs back inside. She locks the deadlock and leaning against the door, breathes heavily. She crouches down and sits, waiting for a knock at the door or the man to come after her. In breathless silence she sits, until, like a splash of ice water on her face, she is alerted by the phone ringing. Un-able to convince her shaking legs to stand she lets the phone ring out. She hears her answering service click on and her friendly voice chirp, “Jennifer’s place, leave a message!”. Listening to the sound of the monotonous beeping of a hung up phone on her answering machine she convinces herself to get up and call someone. She reaches the phone and calls her boyfriend. He’d just left before the stranger had shown up the first time. She wishes he had stayed.
“Hello.” He says. She hears the comforting sound and sighs.
“Mark, can you come over? I’m really worried…there’s this man…and…” Marks soft voice interrupts her.
“Jen, Jen. Slow down. You’re ok. Tell me what happened.”
“Um…” she says and starts to feel embarrassed. She thinks that she would sound like a child, getting worked up over nothing. “Oh. It’s nothing really. I was just…There was this man hanging around…and the paper said…” She lets out a laugh as she thinks how silly she had been. Feeling all her fear gone she apologizes for being an idiot and worrying him.
“It’s fine…do you want me to come round?” comes the reply.
“No. No. It’s alright. I’ll see you tomorrow at the café?” she says. After hanging up the phone she feels better and knows that Mark is always there for her. Content that she is safe she busies herself with housework and doesn’t give the stranger another thought. At the end of the day, tired from over-working she retires to the lounge for the night. Restless sleep overcomes her. She tosses and turns as if plagued by some unknown force.
A sudden noise shatters the silence and awakens her. The dark night conceals the room and from the lounge Jen cannot find the source of the noise. She stands, walks to the back screen door and peers into the yard. Two eyes and a sullen face with a scar on the cheek look back. Both startled, they jump back, before the intruder runs down the stairs, into the yard and away. Jennifer feels the cold sweat dripping down her bare neck and reaches for the phone. She is met by the icy silence of a phone line that has been cut. Like a frightened child she rushes for the light switch. She flicks it on and a dull glow fills the room. She quickly gathers her things and with car keys in hand she braces herself for the run from the front door to her car. She counts in her head and then dashes, her heart beating fast in her chest to her red Mazda. She locks the car door behind her and watches in her rear vision mirror for any sign of the man. She sees his car lights glowing across the street and starts her car.
Speeding she heads straight for Mark’s house, with the man following in close pursuit. Perspiration marking the wheel and sticking her back to the leather seats Jennifer prays silently. At the traffic lights she looses the stranger but knows that it is not for long. Still frantic she fights back the tears streaming down her face. Nearing Mark’s house Jennifer speeds up; unaware of the road works ahead. She hits the barrier marking the detour at a huge speed and swerves off to the right, loosing control of the car. It spins madly out of control and veers into a post, knocking Jennifer unconscious. The green car of her pursuer lost in the maze of streets, Jennifer is left in her car, bleeding dark into her hair, just 30 metres away from Mark’s.
She wakes to find only a few minutes have passed. Dazed and confused she crawls from her car and collapses onto the yard in front of her. There she lies, until, Mark running to see what has happened finds her. He lifts her weak body and under her weight, staggers back towards his house. Peering over Marks shoulder she notices the green car pull up next to her Mazda and the man with a scar on his cheek get out. Mark reaches his front door and carries Jennifer inside, who, in a moment of clarity, tells him of the car chase and the man who is just outside. Clearly anxious, Mark pulls Jennifer to her feet and drags her towards the back door, just as the man is heard at the front. Mark runs, pulling Jennifer along down the path at the end of his yard into the woods. He knows that the man won’t hesitate in following them and that they only have a few minutes to get space between them and him. Jennifer runs along with Mark, every fibre in her body straining and her head throbbing desperate to out-run the man. Staring blankly ahead they pass tree after tree and hear distant shouts behind them as the man follows.
Finding what he was looking for Mark signals to Jennifer to stay quiet. He points to a low tangle of trees and vines; the perfect hiding spot. They crawl deep into the mass of vegetation, knowing the man would soon be upon them. Staring at the direction from which they had come Jennifer lets out a muffled cry as the man steps into her sight. The man moves ever forward, drawing a hand-gun and scanning the surroundings. Now only a few feet from their hiding spot the man turns his back. Mark jumps rapidly and shoots. The mans’ lifeless body, dripping dark blood, falls to the ground. Jennifer screams and crawls from her hiding spot and stares from Mark to the man. His blood seeping into the earth around him, the man stares without expression. Mark turns and looks at Jennifer. She is shaking and sobbing, unable to maintain her balance.
“Dumb copper didn’t even see it coming,” says Mark. Jennifer’s look of horror is soon replaced with a look of pain as Mark shoots again, this time leaving blood seeping from her stomach. “I’m sorry I had to do that.” He says and lays her body down next to the detectives. “You see, you know too much. That copper had it coming. I couldn’t let him find out that it was me who was killing all those people…Oh yeah. That’s why he’s been following you. He’s not the serial killer…I am…” Jennifer looks in disbelief at her once caring and charming boyfriend. Knowing she is about to die she takes her last breath and screams into the sky.

For any of you who bothered to read it all; what are you're opinions?

GAMER

[Interon]

Quite freaky!

[Wally]

wow it had me sucked in Gamer. I really believe you have a talent for story writing. 10/10

I hope you dont mind but im printing it

Its tense, freaky etc etc.

[GAMER]

Aw! Shuks! Thank you. I just hope my english teacher feels the same way about it. The original version of my story had Jennifer being the serial killer and at the end she killed the cop, but i couldn't create enough suspense unless she was REALLY scared and it wouldn't be beleivable if the serial killer was a quivering, scaredy mess. Yeah...

GAMER

[nastypoisonspikes]

That's not true! When I almost shat myeslf when I made my first ki--AH I MEAN YEAH I COULD BELIEVE IT

[GAMER]

Uh Spikey? Lol...anyway, if he's a SERIAL KILLER, it almost certainly isn't his first kill. I'm so bored...

GAMER